Sunday, February 19, 2012

ज़िन्दगी मेरी कुछ मर सी गयी है!!

डूबते  से  इस  भंवर  में  कुछ  तो  ये  फस  सी  गयी  है,
चाहती  है  आज  जीना  पर  ये  क्यों  मर  सी  गयी  है,
हंसना   चाहती  है  ये  लेकिन  आँसुओ  को  पी   रही  है, 
टूट  कर  बिखरे  हुए  पत्तो  के  जैसे  बिछ  गई   है,
देखना चाहती थी सपने अब तो चुप सी सो गयी है,
ना जाने क्यों  ज़िन्दगी मेरी कुछ मर सी गयी है!!

रौशनी  को  देख  कर  भँवरे   के  जैसे  उड़   चली  थी,
पर  अँधेरी  रात  के  जैसे  क्यों  बेवस  हो  गयी  है,  
आंसुओ  के  कहकहों  की  उलझनों  में  घिर  गयी  है,  
चाहती  है  फिर  से  उड़ना ,  पर  सिमट  कर   गिर   गयी  है,  
देखना चाहती थी सपने अब तो चुप सी सो गयी है,
ना जाने क्यों  ज़िन्दगी मेरी कुछ मर सी गयी है!!

प्यार  इसको  था  कभी  अब  तो  बस  शिकवा  मिली  है,
राह  में  चलते    हुए  बस  इसे   ठोकर  मिली  है,
देखना  था  दूर  उड़ कर   बादलो  में  खो  गयी  है,
जो  कभी  थी  आरजू   फरियाद  बनके  रह  गयी  है, 
देखना चाहती थी सपने अब तो चुप सी सो गयी है,
ना जाने क्यों  ज़िन्दगी मेरी कुछ मर सी गयी है!!

आग  थी  इसमें  कभी , कुछ  लड़ने  की  भी  बात  थी,
सबको  थामे  साथ  में  अब  तो  ये  झुक  सी  गयी  है, 
मस्त  खिलती  थी  कभी  पर  आज  कुछ  बह  सी  गयी  है,
एक   कहानी  थी  कभी  अब  तो  किस्सा  बन  गयी  है,
देखना चाहती थी सपने अब तो चुप सी सो गयी है,
ना जाने क्यों  ज़िन्दगी मेरी कुछ मर सी गयी है!!

दूर  देखा  है  शिखर  बस  सोच  के  ये  चल  पड़ी  है, 
पास  जाना  चाहती  है  डर  के  क्यों  ये  रुक  गयी  है,  
कहना  चाहती  थी  ये  कुछ  पर  सुन्न  न  पाए  हम  इसे,  
सांस  की  डोरी  है  थामे  लाऊ   तो  जैसे  भुज  गयी   है, 
देखना चाहती थी सपने अब तो चुप सी सो गयी है,
ना जाने क्यों  ज़िन्दगी मेरी कुछ मर सी गयी है!!

This is my first stint with HINDI, or HINDI POETRY if this at all qualifies to be a poem.
I know this is raw and a naive attempt, but still I am waiting for all your generous comments.  :)  :)

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Being 24...

Being a 24 something guy…A rueful phase it is…
For all my life I wished if I could stay a kid or a boy at least but god never answered my prayers, but today I wish I could take a leap into the future, being a man is all I want, this transition is killing me…I wish I could be 27 or 28…
Yesterday I had no questions, tomorrow I might have few answers but today my life is no more than a questionnaire…
Few one liners few yes or no, few one mark questions few major blows…
To start with it, the first question I have is “will I be able to achieve what I wish from life or a bit of it at least?
I have no answer to this question but to deepen the crisis within me I have yet another question from my parents “do you even know what you want from your life?”
Yes, till yesterday I did!!!
They tell me you have been living for yourself all this time, now be responsible and give us some time…
“Was I living for myself?”
I am sorry I just realized!!!
Everyone tells me you are getting matured, “don’t you sense the change?”
Of course I do, I am losing my hair and sense of self, got some flab and disrespect, “is it so normal coz I am getting matured?”
My ex are getting married and my present wants to, she has had her independent and adventurous life and being stable is what she plan, yes she wants to get stable with me when stability and  I are already a zillion light years apart, but again a question is all I get, “am I ready for marriage or am I ready for THE marriage?”
Whatever I do!!!
Every uncle I meet asks “what are your future plans?” while every aunt would ask “planning to get married any soon?”
Yes, your daughter, along with your wealth, but “Umm!!! I am not sure…” is all I could say…
Congratulations, I have a new job which I already hate, but “I do earn now am I independent?”, and than my dad said ‘you don’t earn enough, not even to pay for you food’
Free lunches are not so free…!!!
Life is so dead with relations no more then a mocking drill, I feel so passive even to think…
With all my friends stuck in the same riddle, no hope to help not even share…

People please don’t relate this to anyone, I am not me I am not you, I am just a 24 year old who doesn’t know what to do…

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Jamia 3G

November’2006, first major assessment of engineering, Engineering Mathematics…
It was 25 marks affair, 12 marks for 2 minors 6 marks for each and rest 13 for the class notes, yeah its kinda strange but even in B.Tech we were made to maintain class notes and were graded upon the quality and quantity of those notes…
As decided notes were to be graded as per 3 categories:
Alpha- Good ones- 10 outa 13
Beta- Average ones- 07 outa 13
Gamma- Good ones- 05 outa 13

Scene I:
For assessment a room was decided, every student has to go in there and get his notes examined and his examination answer sheets were to be evaluated there. The best part was that assessment was on first come first killed basis, so it gave me some more time to increase the size of notes, as expected all the good students got 8 or 9 marks for minors and an Alpha, average ones got 5-6 marks along with Beta, and as I noticed now the grade given was Gamma, I knew finally it was the turn of glorious back benchers, and as it proceeded there were many 2s 3s and 4s along with Gamma…
Then came Tabish’s turn, he got 1.5 for minors, and for the grade I dint even bother to ask what it was for I knew it would be nothing more than Gamma, now came Sunil I thought it would be an achievement for him if he could equal Tabish, and as expected he got only 1 outa 12 for minors now I was laughing and I thought man its actually bad for him, he got the lowest marks and a Gamma, bad it was…
After few more mins I went in, I was kinda sure that I would get a Gamma, but I knew I would somehow manage to get 3-4 marks, but the joy was short lived,all I got was 0.5 for minors…
Scene II:
Same evening we were all sitting in the sports ground, I was totally desolated, when Tabish came to me and,
Tabish : Yaar mujhe to Delta de diya. (I got Delta)
Me: Abe mujhe bhi.(Me too)
Sunil:Abe saale ne mujhe bhi Delta de diya re. (even I got Delta)

As they give capital punishment for rarest of rare crime, we three got Delta for being poorest of poor
I don’t how it felt to be a topper as I never got highest marks ever, but now I knew what it felt like getting lowest of all, it was terrible…
But one thing I learnt in engineering that every thing was in abundance, there came so many terrible moments thereafter that it no more felt bad, it was just as usual as any other day…Proud being an engineer, electriCOOL engineer… J J

Monday, June 6, 2011


Sitting by the window of his lonely room, Astitva with her photograph in his hands thought is it worth?
Its been 2 years since I am away from my home, my friends and myself, busy preparing for this god damn exam which still seems so far…
Wasting 2 years of my life to clear administrative services, and still gonna try for it 3rd time, just because she wants me to do so…
I know she loves me and even I love her but what about the love I have for my  life, I could have done so much for my life in these 2 years. Why god why, why I was chosen to be with her!!!
And a voice which he knew was his own said just because you are the best and you deserved someone much better then the best...
And like every other person on this earth even Astitva knew that his mother was best and she made him more than he deserved to be…
Looking at the picture his moist eyes said it all, his mother a housewife, much more educated than anyone else in his family quit her job just to make sure that she made Astitva what her son deserved to be. Today she wants to live her dreams in him, but isn’t it beautiful that in all her dreams its only he…
Astitva thought of her arms which swallowed all his troubles, of her deafening silence of disapproval, of how she knew that he need her, of how she knew that he wanted to be alone and left in silence, and he thought how she never judged him by marks on my report card when everyone else did…
Now he thought is time for her to get what she deserves, for being a wife, a sister, a daughter and most of all a housewife mother who gave all her life in making her  son what once she wanted to be, expectations he thought would kill him anytime, but than what about the sacrifice she made, she died every night just to make him live every day…
Wiping his tears Astitva went to bed and said today I have this relation and its most beautiful because of her beauty, she is my mum my beauty…