RETURN TICKET I...

RETURN TICKET

KHURJA, a small town of UTTAR PRADESH, the place where I spent most of my childhood…

One of the memories I have of that place is of my childhood friend SANCHI…

Her bold eyes, her fluffy cheeks, her saccharine smile (it was the sweetest smile)...

She was my classmate and I used to call her motu, which she hated, and when ever I did so she used to complain either to mum (her mum or mine) or to school teacher…

We were best friends and used to share everything, and this everything included our lunch, books, or pencils, notebooks and chocolates at times…

We had been friends for almost 6 years, and we as kids knew anything and everything

About each other, we used to fight a lot and after every fight there was a RETURN, I used to return her stuff and she to used return mine, and then it took few hours, few days and sometimes few weeks before the next RETURN came, its when everything became normal and I gave back her the stuff I took from her and she returned the stuff to me…

I was in 8^th standard, when I felt that I was in love with her ( I don’t remember the name of movie which made me feel so, but it was just an after effect of some romantic bollywood movie)…

RETURN to me now was something new, RETURN to me was the equal love as I did, RETURN to me was when she turned back to look at me…

There were sparks in all direction until 19^th oct’ ****(I don’t remember the year, but it was the year when I was in 9^th standard, and it was my cousin Amit’s b’day), as the other kids of locality she was also there to attend Amit’s birthday celebrations and she was looking beautiful, when I looked at her, my heart loved the view and that day I asked her to marry me, and she refused to talk to me anymore as any self respecting 14 year girl would, at that time I thought might be she was not ready for the commitment…(I know that was dumb, but I was just 14 and all my knowledge to love was confined to stupid romantic bollywood movies)…

After few weeks things RETURNed back to normal and we were talking again with a promise that I wont do anything like that ever…

After few months we left the town and moved to Delhi, I was to go to a new school for my 10^th standard and the life for me changed…

I left Khurja with a promise to RETURN, someday sometime in my life…

Now its been more then 7 years since we left Khurja and I have never been there since then, never had any contact with Sanchi and all my friends there…

At times I miss my school, I miss my play ground, I miss the shops and roads there, I miss her, I miss her smile, I miss playing with her, I miss fighting with her, and I have been so busy in my life that I miss missing her the most…

Now I am done with my college and have few months before I start working, so I plan to RETURN, return to the place I feel is native to me (though I was not born there)…

Soon I am going to get a ticket to Khurja, my RETURN TICKET, to RETURN to the place where I left all my childhood memories, to RETURN to my friends, to RETURN to Sanchi…

You might also be interested in how my life went on two love,

I'm more than a friend

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RETURN TICKET II

I believe in GOD...almost...

Today, September 01’ 2010
I got up at 11, and after taking a shower I said “mum khana de do” (mum my breakfast), and my mum replied “ aj khana nahi milega” (you wont get any food today)…
I thought she must be furious coz I got up late so I said “acha kal time par uth jauga ab khana do” (I will get up on time tomorrow now give me some food), and mum replied “aj sab ka FAST hai so no food)...

Floored, I said “KYOO??”
JANAMASHTMI…she replied… (It’s a Hindu festival celebrated as birth anniversary of KRISHNA JI and I was to fast)
After few hours I asked mum, “mum birthdays par to we get nice treats and all the celebrations so what’s the point in FASTING today??
SHUTUP, she replied… (But seriously my point was valid)
Well day passed on smooth as I dint retaliate much as I got some fruits to eat…
In the evening my mum told me that we have to go to the temple, and as usual I was a bit reluctant, and then dad pronounced that we all are going to temple as they have invited us and we have got VIP passes…
VIP passes to a temple???
Yeah even I was shocked but we had these …..

ISKON TEMPLE VIP pass

Now I earnestly wanted to check this VIP thing out, so at around 8pm we left for the temple, and as I anticipated there was a separate entry for VIPs (and a long, very long queue for general entry)...
To be true I am not religious, even if I am that’s not by choice, and I never understood what the point in praying is, like if you believe in GOD that’s all you can do, how will praying help?
So as we entered all the arrangements were all different for us, from seating arrangement to the place for prayer, there I saw my little cousin NISHA, I asked her, “hey kiddo what are you doing here”??
And she replied, “Main to yaha roj aati hu” (I visit this place everyday)
So enticed I asked, “kyooo??”
And she replied, “Mum says if I will pray god will save me from ghosts and evil spirits and I will get good marks in exams and god will always help me”
GOOD, I said…
What is this we are doing, we say that we need to build a society upon truth, upon trust and upon transparent equality, but our parents tell us that god will save us from evils, in the first place we are making them believe in EVIL something whose very existence is contradictory to that of GOD, why kids are told that there exists ghosts!!!
And then how can exam results in anyway be associated to praying or going to temple without missing a day!!!
I totally believe in GOD and I trust that GOD is fair, so I know I wont ever get that, what I don’t deserve, no matter how much I pray for it…
As its said Trust in god, but don’t forget to lock your car…

So for me I believe in GOD and trust myself…
And after we were done with all the rituals and prayers, we moved for dinner, ant I was amazed to see what a feast it was, none less then one in a wedding ceremony (and again it was specially arranged for VIPs), and it was labeled as “vrat me khane yogya” (appropriate to eat even if you are fasting)…
I ate a lot and now I was happy that we came, and most of that we came with a VIP pass…
While returning I was thinking that why I went to temple, why I was there to pray and why I did something I actually don’t believe in…

And all I could find to justify it was:

My parents want me to do all this and be involved into it, so I can do this much for them.

To debate on something, to know the pros and cons of something you need to be a part of it…

You get very nice stuff to eat and drink at these places and it comes at no cost…

And you get to see pretty girls, a lot of pretty girls ( I guess most of the girls are religious enough to come to temple)…

And in case if by any chance I am not correct and you get some of the blessings bestowed upon you while you pray so I might also get those…

We all LIVE to DIE

Freedom…

Freedom to me is the place which never exists, freedom to me is a word never defined, freedom to me is a gesture never felt, freedom to me something never sought, freedom to me is something never achieved, freedom to me is something never existed…

The moment I discovered what freedom is I lost the essence of being free, coz I could never know what being free is…

I am not free coz I cant fly, I can not move in the air I breathe, I can not touch the sky I love to look at, I can not coz I am not free…

I am not free coz I cant flow, flow like the liquid I am composed of, I can not find a way out of very situation every place I want to exit, I am bound, bound because I am not free…

I am not free coz I cant chose what I want to bee, I can not be the way I want to be, I can not live the way I was born, I can not because I am not free…

I am not free coz I cant look beyond, beyond I am destined to, I can not be beyond this place beyond this world beyond the world beyond this world, I can not because I am not free…

I am not free coz I cant rise, I can not rise the way smoke does, just rise and rise beyond all living and dead, smoke rises no matter where it came from, no matter where it has to go, I can not rise as smoke because I am not free…

I am not free coz I am addicted, addicted to create, addicted to destroy, addicted to manipulate, addicted to adjust, addicted to live, and as I realize I am alive, I am no longer free…

P.S. Please don’t feel offended if you think you are free, because freedom to me is very subjective thing, you might have it I don’t.
And yeah feel free to comment… J

This post is dedicated to Frames of Freedom organized by blogadda.

M all BLANK now..!!!

Its been few days I have been thinking to write something about something but I cudnt figure out what exactly is it that I want to write about, so today evening I asked one of my friend what do you think should I write about, I told her that I want to write on something related to ME…

And she replied m all blank now…

And I said COOL, nice topic to write on…

We all feel, we all think, we all sense, and we all judge…

At times its important to talk, talk about what you have seen, talk about what you feel, or just talk, and at times you get no one to talk, or the one you get you don’t want to talk to them about it…

So writing is the best thing you can do…just start jotting it down…words are your friends they grace you when ever you need them…

But at times you want to write about something, but you just don’t know what this something is, words abandon you, your mind starts flowing like water, nothing seem lucid enough and all you could say is M all BLANK now…